Cheesy Tteokbokki 

As love comes and goes in my ever-unpredictable life, I find myself drawn to good-hearted men who seek comfort, peace, and friendship but are unwilling to risk what we have to become something more. We chat, go out together, and share our dreams and aspirations, yet once I truly fall for them, they create barriers around their hearts, as if they never noticed the walls I let down for them.


This cycle haunts me, repeating itself with each new encounter. Time after time, I am drawn to gentle souls who value friendship above romance. When Cupid's arrows pierce my heart once more, I find myself questioning the signals that blur the lines between casual connection and genuine love. "When will the signs of casual connection stop confusing me?" I wonder, yearning for clarity in a world where affection feels so fleeting. I often ask myself if there will ever be a moment when my vulnerability is met with the same openness I offer.

Each time we strengthen our bond through conversations and shared moments, my heart races with anticipation until I can no longer pretend the ache doesn’t exist. I long to occupy space in their thoughts, to be more than just a passing memory, even if only briefly. They have claimed permanent residence in my heart, making resistance impossible. The warmth of our connection feels intoxicating, yet it is laced with the bittersweet knowledge that I may never be more than a cherished friend in their eyes.

And so, each rejection stings. I understand their perspective, nodding through the pain as they speak of friendship and express gratitude for my presence in their lives. Yet, I cannot help but feel a deep sense of loss. Questions echo within me: Am I unworthy of risk? Unworthy of romantic love? Or am I merely foolish to desire what they perceive only as friendship? Were my intentions unclear from the beginning? Have my words and actions not conveyed my deeper hopes? Or do they wear rose-colored glasses, pretending to be blind to the currents flowing between us?

As this cycle comes back to bite me once more, I find myself falling for another man who states that what we have is beautiful, yet insists our relationship is strictly platonic and nothing more. His words resonate painfully, a familiar refrain that leaves me feeling both cherished and rejected. I grapple with the contradiction of his affection and the limitations he places on our connection.

In moments of reflection, I wonder if I am destined to remain in this limbo, forever seeking the warmth of companionship while yearning for something deeper. Perhaps I am drawn to these good-hearted men because they embody the qualities I admire: kindness, sincerity, and a genuine appreciation for the bonds we share. Yet, I cannot shake the feeling that I am left standing at the threshold of love, unable to cross into the realm of deeper intimacy.

Still, I shall hold onto the hope that he will eventually see me through a different lens — one that captures not only what our relationship is but also what it could become. 

I am not afraid of vulnerability or the possibility of getting hurt again; instead, I choose to embrace this journey wholeheartedly as I understand that vulnerability is an essential part of forming deep connections, and I am willing to take that risk. 

For as long as he and I see each other, eye to eye, my heart will continue to beat for him.