Sipping toxic tea: Cheating scandals that spark savage roasts and unstoppable drama

Infidelity is a recurring theme in Philippine media and in real life, with cheating scandals often dominating social media discussions, entertainment news, and even casual conversations. While mistresses or kabit in Filipino and philandering husbands are widely criticized online, in reality, many Filipinos seem to tolerate, if not outright accept, cheating.

According to a 2009 report from the National Commission on the Role of Filipino Women, marital infidelity is one of the major causes of stress among Filipino couples, with about 36 percent of men and two percent of women engaging in extramarital affairs. But why does this happen? Is it a unique phenomenon? And do cheaters ever truly face consequences or just temporary outrage?

Around the world, cheating scandals have sparked intense reactions — from Hollywood’s high-profile affairs like Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders or Jay-Z and Beyoncé to the controversial relationships in South Korean entertainment such as the case of actor Hong Sang-soo leaving his wife for a younger actress. 

However, in the Philippines, cheating seems to be both an accepted reality and a hot topic of outrage. Unlike in Western countries where infidelity is often treated as a private issue, it becomes a public spectacle to many Filipinos. Social media amplifies the drama, with viral memes and heated debates about morality, loyalty, and revenge. Yet despite the intense reactions, many cheating men (and sometimes women) are forgiven or even celebrated after the scandal dies down.

This contradiction points to deeper cultural roots, traditional gender roles, societal expectations, and even religious influences, playing a part in shaping Filipino attitudes toward infidelity.

One of the biggest reasons why cheating is tolerated is the deep-seated double standard when it comes to gender. Filipino society is often more forgiving of unfaithful men than women. The phrase “lalaki eh” is commonly used to excuse male infidelity, implying that men are naturally prone to cheating and that women should just accept it.

On the other hand, women involved in affairs, especially mistresses, are heavily criticized. Whether in real life or the media, the kabit is often seen as the villain, while the cheating husband is either given a redemption arc or simply overlooked. This bias reflects a cultural mindset that places the burden of maintaining a relationship on women, while men are given more freedom to make mistakes.

Religion also plays a role in this tolerance. The Philippines, being predominantly Catholic, emphasizes the sanctity of marriage. Divorce is still illegal, making it harder for women to leave unfaithful and abusive husbands. Many are pressured to save the family or forgive for the sake of the children, leading to a cycle where cheating is condemned but not necessarily punished. While the separation of church and state is enshrined in the Constitution, in practice, it remains difficult to uphold because the influence of the Church is deeply rooted in Filipino culture and politics.

Infidelity has long been a compelling theme in film and television, with mistresses often portrayed as seductive, manipulative, and powerful. In Hollywood, movies like Unfaithful (2002) and Fatal Attraction (1987) explore the consequences of extramarital affairs, often leading to tragic fates for the other woman. American telenovelas frequently depict mistresses as ambitious and cunning, using their allure to climb the social ladder or seek revenge. Similarly, South Korean dramas, known for their intense emotional storytelling, have tackled infidelity in hit series like The World of the Married (2020), which became one of Korea’s highest-rated dramas.  

What makes the Philippines unique, however, is how deeply ingrained the mistress narrative is in mainstream media. Unlike Western films where infidelity is often a subplot, Filipino movies and TV dramas center entire storylines around it. The mistress is not just a supporting character, she is the driving force of the drama, the catalyst for conflict, and often the most compelling figure on screen.

Filipino media frequently portrays mistresses as strong, confident, and independent, qualities not typically associated with them in real life.

Several Filipino films and TV dramas have cemented the kabit trope in pop culture, shaping societal perceptions of infidelity:  

However, these depictions contrast sharply with reality. In real life, many mistresses do not wield this level of influence. Some are financially dependent on their partners, others are manipulated into the relationship, and most face social condemnation without the empowerment their fictional counterparts seem to enjoy. 

This stark difference highlights how the media glamorizes infidelity while also reinforcing the idea that strong, ambitious women must ultimately pay a price for their choices.  

Arguably one of the most unforgettable examples of cheating issues between celebrities would be the breakup between actor Paolo Contis and actress LJ Reyes in August 2021. The couple who had been together for six years were by then considered the epitome of perfect love, only to be shadowed by infidelity rumors later on. Soon, time revealed that Paolo had truly been unfaithful to LJ, shocking their many fans. 

While the actress did not directly address the issue at hand, the collected sources did serve as proof of the affair, which then led to the eventual severing of their relationship. The public response regarding the breakup was immediate, and both of them received immense scrutiny, especially the actor, calling him out for his unfaithfulness.

It had been apparent that the age of social media truly helped amplify the power of online callouts, making it easier to hold celebrities accountable. 

However, it is also a wonder if these online cancellations have an effect, and if they truly equate to giving them real-life consequences. Using the issue of Paolo Contis as a reference, the scandal did result in the public condemning the actor online, with many crying out for his cancellation. Despite that, the actor continued to thrive in his career and stay as one of the most famous figures in the industry. 

This reality then proves the disconnect between online callouts and real-life accountability since even after a viral backlash, the negative impact on Contis’ career and personal life did not seem to last. This perfectly illustrates the limitation of online outrage, as someone canceling another on social media does not always end up having lasting consequences. 

While social media does give the public the power to give their own perceptions, concerns, and takes on the matter at hand, it more often than not, lacks the proper structure needed to push meaningful accountability. 

For many people, the true fruit of accountability does not lie in retrieving more followers, online posts and even increasing engagement, but rather in the personal growth of the person that had been once entangled in the mess. Still, a genuine question remains on whether Paolo will use the issue as a learning experience to improve himself and make him worthy. 

It is no doubt that cheating is often sensationalized, with real-life betrayals turning to mere entertainment for the public to spectate. And even with the ongoing influence of the cancel culture, infidelity still rarely develops any lasting consequences. Such cultural treatment not only makes unfaithfulness seem like a normal occurrence, but it also gravely results in undermining accountability, as if such an issue is a mere plot twist rather than a serious moral failing. 

Until society demands real consequences for cheaters and changes its portrayal of infidelity, cheating will continue to be trivialized both on-screen and even in real life.